I hate myself.
Oh, and, I hate everything around me. And everyone.. And I swear this is NOT, I repeat, NOTNOTNOT to get any kinda bullshit sympathy out of anyone.
I don't know if any of you have ever felt that way. But if you intend to read on then you'd get to know. I don't think my reason would be justified though.
The truth is, my dreams are shattered. What I wanted to be, what I thought I was good at, every single thing that I told myself I could do..... it's all just...gone. I don't even think I ever knew who I really am.
I kept thinking I'm a very passionate writer. I realise now that that's all bullshit. I can't write any better than my teddy bear can. Everyone writes better than I do, and I now realise it. I thought I had a flair for words, but it turns out I can't make 'type' and 'hype' rhyme. I thought....I was creative. But I'm the most dull person you can meet.
I kept thinking I could sing well. Sure, I needed practice, but I still thought I had the talent. But that also, was wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG...... and everyone knows that, courtesy my effed-up performance on C-Day.
I kept thinking I could dance well. But who wants to see a big blob of nothing jumping around? Not me. Not you. Not anybody.
I kept thinking I was a good photographer. But if you'd seen the pictures I've taken, you would make a mental note to snatch the camera out of my hands every time you saw me with one.
I know you guys might think I'm over-reacting, or you might say I don't realise that everyone has bad days. Answer this.... How can you say that when everyday that I can remember getting a prize, was ALWAYS a bad day? I mess up EVERY BLOODY DAY!
I can't cope with my uselessness. I don't even know why I have a blog anymore. I should just forget about it and click that little button....'DELETE BLOG'. Wish I could delete myself. I really do feel like the error that the Almighty, who never makes a mistake, finally made.
Feel free to comment, but honestly, I don't see how it matters anymore. You guys' criticism will just confirm my absolute nothingness.
Whatever.
Ramble Into My Arms
7 years ago
9 comments:
Okay,
first
YOU'RE A BRILLIANT SINGER AND EVERYONE THINKS SO!!
I wish I was as talented as you!
SO DONT THINK OTHERWISE!
you're so creative!
And you're one of the sweetest people I know..!
I'm not being "sympathetic"..
I mean what I'm saying!
Yeah, there are days when we feel like crap....
MANY of them.
But don't let them stifle your creativity!
Juhi?
Did you just write that? Juhi. You are NOT untalented okay? I know, as factual as facts are, that there are a MILLION people who are in AWE of your talent. You DO write well, brilliantly for that matter; this post proves it. Juhi, you have no right to just throw everything away and say that things aren't worth it anymore. Take this from me. You have ONE life. And if you're gonna spend it hating yourself...
No, this is not "sympathy", it is the truth. God never makes mistakes. You have no right to accuse Him. I've seen you dance. There are people in the world who want to dance but can't. Look at you, Juhi, HOW can you say you hate yourself?
How can your dreams be shattered? You're in the 9th grade now, you still have years of schooling left before you chase your dreams. Only when you chase your dreams can they be shattered. And even when you shatter them, it's easy to put them back together. It may take time, but you can if you want to.
You can if you want to.
I don't want to hear this coming from you again.
Oh and one more thing,
Criticism sucks.
It sucks when people we hate criticize us.
Or even more when people we love criticize us.
But what sucks most is when we criticize ourselves.
Juhi, one of my favourite up and coming writers/singers, is this really YOU talking?!
Why, Juhi, why?
(shakes head in disapproval)
Listen to me, the first time I met you, I saw a spark! Where others have blood, you have talent...don't ever, even for a second, doubt yourself and your geniosity!
It's true we are the best judges of ourselves and that if we aren't honest to ourselves we are nothing...however, such brutality?
Such harshness? Juhi, we all experience that one odd moment when we feel like our lives just couldn't get any worse...but, then again, look at it this way, if it can't get any worse, then why stop now? Lets keep trying to achieve what we want to..lets keep trying to live and just 'be'....It can only get better from there, right? ;)
I'm not going to force you to believe that you're "over-reacting"
because, honestly, I don't exactly know what led to such bitter thoughts (though I doubt anything could justify such criticism towards yourself), but, what I can say is...you're meant for much greater things...you're extremely talented for you age and a wonderful person too! I have seen you..I have known you...I WON'T lie to you...You're pretty damn good, Juhi Nair! Believe it! =)
So, cheer up and start 'kicking ass' with some new 'jozified' posts! What say you? ;)Take care! Don't ever lose yourself along the way again...I don't want to see this from you ever again, aite? And, if you ever feel like this again...think, Hakuna Matata! =P Rock on! \m/
Peace!
Kaylias...out!
:D:D:D:D:D:D
I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!!
thanks, all of you. you made me feel real special. You guys are the best.
bit late...but...messing up...am queen of it:D duznt rlly matter if u mess up. i have a bit of a jinx..havta muck up everytime..but it duznt matter:d ppl dont remember:D and also u are by far the best singer in middle school:d
and thats not just the orion person in me talking:D
i was soo surprised when i heard u for the first time.:| awed actually:| and as u sed perfect performances dont give u as much satisfaction now do they?:D
Juhi. I agree with Rhea and Nisahnt and everyone !
I remember the first time i heard you sing. It was near Sandakphu. Can't recall the name of the place. But i STILL remember that when you started singing, it was the most soothing and beautiful voice i'd ever heard ! Not flattering you. Just stating true facts. Rememeber the words of your Cowboy Song ? They say God is always with you. Believe it !
And secondly shut up. You are like one of the best frickin' writers eva ! NEVER EVER FORGET THAT !
And I know sometimes you feel blue, we all do. But we get over it.
BE HAPPY ! SMILE ! :D:D:D:D:D:D !
its world goth day when JUHI writes this
just gna ask u to write that it's all changed now
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